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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25814590">Memories make the Man</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrynth/pseuds/Amrynth'>Amrynth</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU August, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:09:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,037</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25814590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrynth/pseuds/Amrynth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Mollymauk is cursed because he never forgot his own past, and Caleb is happy because he did.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Memories make the Man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>What day even is it?  Day 9 of AU August was Role/Class Swap!  And I decided this time around to switch circumstances of some of the characters instead of switching their classes.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The party naturally arranged themselves around a table in the back of the Evening Nip, Jester in the middle of a joke about how weird it would be if they found her father while they were adventuring.  Molly pulled his coat closer around himself and tapped one finger against the side of his ale, gazing into the amber liquid like he was going to find answers there.  </p>
<p>“Copper for your thoughts, Mister Tealeaf,” Caleb settled onto the bench beside him, easy smile on his face.  </p>
<p>He waited before looking up, in the hopes that perhaps the wizard would take his quiet for a desire to be left alone.  That or his thoughts weren’t something he wasn’t keen to make anyone else endure.  But Caleb was like the sun, there was only so long Molly could sit in his radiance before he looked up from his ale to soak him in.  Caleb with his brightly colored coat, blue eyes, and copper hair pulled back in a knot.  He was beautiful and if Molly wasn’t careful, he would get pulled in by his ease and grace.  Molly enjoyed his accent, how words would wrap around his tongue and- he stopped his brain from thinking further about Caleb’s tongue.  </p>
<p>“A copper isn’t necessary, Caleb.  But there’s not much up there other than- who is Bren?  That tabaxi, Cree, she seemed to think she knew you.”  Molly deflected, channeling nervous energy into fiddling with the ale he held.  </p>
<p>A shadow passed over Caleb’s face and he visibly stopped himself from looking over his shoulder to where the tabaxi in question had returned to the bar.  Molly’s question had attracted the interest of the rest of the Mighty Nein and he sort of wished he’d kept it to himself.  Anything to pull Caleb’s attention and perhaps capture a little of it for himself.  </p>
<p>“Ah.  That is complicated, ja?” Caleb said, a quiet laugh clearing the shadow from his face.  “If you will let me know if she comes back this way, then I shall attempt to explain it.”</p>
<p>Molly let his eyes roam to Cree, just long enough to confirm to his own satisfaction that she seemed to be content to remain where she was rather than joining their table to try and get information from “Bren” again.  Frumpkin jumped onto the table with a silent command from Caleb and neatly arranged himself in a loaf in the center of everyone, doing the job of keeping an eye on Cree.  </p>
<p>“The simple answer is that I do not know who Bren is,” Caleb said, a little bit of a smile playing on his face.  “I had never heard of him before now.  Nott, does this sound familiar to you at all?”</p>
<p>Nott shook her head.  “No, we picked the name Caleb out together when I found you.  Maybe it was sewn into the back of your cloak but oh- you were naked so I guess not.”  </p>
<p>At this, Caleb laughed even when everyone else looked at him.  </p>
<p>“What do you mean found him?” Jester asked, prodding at the chunks of milk in her glass in the hopes maybe her drink would resolve into something palatable if she just gave it time.  </p>
<p>“Well,” Caleb was clearly enjoying the attention from his friends and drawing out the story as best he could.  “You see, a year ago Nott found me in a shallow grave.  I do not actually remember anything from before that moment.”</p>
<p>“What in- were you dead?  Or just, who buried you?”  Fjord’s question came out in a drawl and Caleb winked at him.  </p>
<p>“It is a good question.  Nott remembers those early days better than I do.  I suppose crawling out of my own grave might have been traumatic but my earliest memories are sitting by the fire while she made some really abhorrent soup.”  Caleb shrugged off the worries of why he’d been in a grave with a wave of his hand.  </p>
<p>At this, Nott laughed and helped with the narrative.  “He was like a child when I found him and I-” There was a nearly imperceptible pause in her voice and Molly’s eyes locked onto Nott.  “Wasn’t going to just abandon him in the woods like that.  After a few days he remembered how to talk and we picked out a name.  I don’t know how he ended up there.”</p>
<p>“And it does not matter.”  His words followed Nott’s so closely that Caleb almost interrupted her.  He relaxed his face when the others looked at him, smiling warm and bright and familiar.  “Whoever Bren was, I am not him.  I am Caleb now.”</p>
<p>“Well I, for one, appreciate Caleb.  Who needs some asshole who let himself get buried like that?” Beau chimed in.  She raised her glass to clink it against Caleb’s with a grin.</p>
<p>Molly swallowed, knuckles pale from gripping the ale.  He envied Caleb, envied him the ease with which he could leave part of his life behind him.  Would he have been able to choose the same in his situation?  There were gaps in Molly’s memory sure, and he didn’t trust what he did remember most of the time.  But to just become someone else was-</p>
<p>Yasha’s hand found Mollymauk’s shoulder, solid and heavy and warm.  She didn’t have to speak, just reassuring him with her presence alone.  Would she still reassure him if she knew the whole truth?  He didn’t know, and that held his tongue.  Even if Molly wanted to confide in these near-strangers (and he did, his chest ached with the wish to unburden himself), he was too greedy to risk losing what he had.  </p>
<p>“If there are other questions I am happy to answer them but I am afraid it doesn’t go deeper than that.”  Caleb smiled and for just a moment, Mollymauk let himself think those blue eyes had landed on him a little longer than needed.  </p>
<p>No.  It was selfish and it was greedy but that was who Mollymauk was.  He wasn’t willing to risk these people and this life with them just to ease the burden of carrying who he was and what he had done.  He would bear the scars of what he was until it broke him.</p>
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